Yesterday........

I have to say for the first time in months I feel great!!!  I have been so excited today and yesterday, for feeling better and good friends are getting married!! WOW all in a days work.  I woke up the other day and I wasn't mad at God anymore, I started to feel like it was a lack of trust in him for some other reason. I have never really been one to question God, after all it's not like I can change His will for me.  I wondered why the Lord was putting me through so many things and the only thing I can think of is to show me (yet again...despite my best efforts) that He is in control of my life, not me.  I can't do things without Him, so I should just stop trying to right.....well i'm sure I will try again and I pray the the Lord will continue to put me in my place!  "Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge, but he who hates correction is stupid"  Proverbs 12:1. Years ago before I was a Christian, I use to think people like me were crazy, and very uptight; however the Holy Spirit had been dealing with me for quite sometime, I could always feel that I needed Him, but I never surrendered because I wanted to do what I wanted to do.  How many can relate to that?  If you don't that's amazing.  After surrendering to his call 4 yrs ago in Aug this year.  I finally understand that those people weren't in fact crazy they were happy and had something that I finally could call my own.  Joe and I were so bad for years our relationship was filled with lies, lack of trust, drugs, anger, verbal abuse, and to top it all off, we had a kid (my bubba), what in the world were we thinking let alone going to do.  When Joe had first come home from work and said he had been saved (well he didn't exactly say it like that....it was more a list of commands he started shooting at me)  I was very resistant because that would mess everything up (of course what else could go wrong in our little hate filled world) then the Lord really began to talk to me, I was filled with so much hate and anger towards everything which 1Corinthians 7: 28 says...But those who marry will face many troubles in this life, which I had obviously missed that part before the 'I Do'. So I had divorce papers filled out and ready to file with an attorney 1Corinthians 7:27 "Are you married? Do not seek a  and I couldn't do it.divorce.." I guess I missed that part too.  You see, when I married Joe it was "for better or worse" and that meant something to me but there was so much pain and we had a child that needed to be protected and so I was willing to walk away.  But after the Lord dealt with me and brought me to my kness with no where to go but to him, I did.  I learned what marriage was in God's eyes, that sacred covenant between Him and man, the symbol of true love.  I cried so much and had to make a choice, I was either going to try and help fix the marriage, this covenant that the Lord created and do what He wanted and honor Him or continue on the path I was on.  I know that my salvation was the Lord's will but I like to believe that it was also for Joe, whom I also believe the Lord put in my path 7 yrs ago to be my perfect mate.  Had he not come home that day a changed man, I dont know where we would be today.   So who am I to question the Lord's will, I tried it my way and that definately didn't make sense.  I have to just praise him for my life, for my husband, the children doctors once told me I would never have.  My heavenly Father is so awesome and so worthy of praise and I should do it more.  Despite all the wrongs in my life, He is still going strong for me.
                                              "Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with 
                                               what you have, because God has said,
                                                    "Never will I leave you;
                                                        never will I forsake you."
                                                So we say with confidence, 
                                                   "The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid.
                                                     What can man do to me?"
                                                                                                     Hebrews 13:5-6

Wow, is that not an awesome promise!!!!!