Family

Well, today I started blog....I always thought it was weird to say that!  Recently I have been so upset with God for so many reasons.  The biggest issue is that of family.  Our family has been divided for about 8 months now, I have done so much praying hoping that there would soon be a light at the end of this tunnel, but to no avail.  I always wanted to have a family that could be close since growing up my parents were all screwed up one a drug addict and the other an alcoholic.  Joe's family is the only family I have here (outside of church), and yet we still cant seem to get along.  I wonder why the Lord is allowing such division? I have had issues with his family since the very beginning of my relationship with Joe.  I had alot of anger and even hate for his family until God intervened in my life.  Since I became a christian, I have watched the elder christians in our church and have been learning so much, but the struggle I have is with family that is so called "christian".  I pray and ask the Lord all the time to give me the grace to love them and not have ill feelings for them.  In fact I actually miss the relationship that I had developed with them over the years.  Joe is so calm about everything, as if he doesnt mind.  He has that on-off emotional switch I sometimes wish I had.  Why does the Lord want me to be emotional?  I often think that this is the Lords way of trying to test the limits with me.....how far my trust in him will go.  I dont often speak to people in the church about these things because so many like to gossip, and the story gets changed.  I have just tried to stay faithful to the Lord, but honestly it has been really hard!!  There has been so much that goes on, people living with us then not, and recently the departure of family back home.   When times are tough is when we should seek God more, after all "I will not forget you! See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands."  Isaiah 49:15-16

I know these things but still hope for a better tomorrow.  My second issue is the fact that I have been so sick lately.  I have never been so sick and in and out of the hospital in my whole life!! I wonder why God has this happening now, why when I have 3 little ones to take care of would he want me down so much?  I have yet another theory; God is trying to give me more to relate to!  Joe says to remember that the Lord tells us he will never give us more then we can handle, I think to myself WHAT don't I have enough to deal with already, when is my limit?  But i guess in the midst of it all, he is right.  You know I have to remeber what is said in Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans that I have for you; declares the Lord, 'plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope."  Isn't that beautiful!  Even though I feel like everything is crazy and out of control, not a drop of hope or light in the future, God has given me that hope and future, even if I dont know what it is or when it will be,  he has promised these things and he is in control nothing is to big for the Lord.  One of my favorite songs is "What a friend we have in Jesus".  I remember singing.... have you trials and temptations, take it to the Lord in prayer.  That is such a great reminder for me that no matter what take it to the Lord in prayer because I cant do this on my own.  I have to say even though I have been upset with God, he can handle it.  He has also blessed me so much with a loving husband and father when we thought years ago our relationship was certainly over but the Lord had other plans for us, he has blessed us with 3 beautiful children despite doctors saying we would never have any, and a place to call home.  I have to praise him for being so loving and giving to me and for never giving up on me even if I had given up on him.  I love him tonight, and am glad to be his child.