Why Cant I cope With the World

I have been wondering why I find it so hard to deal with life.  I know that we are to go to Jesus and we can always count on him but what's with the hard life streak that doesnt seem to be getting better??  I have my kids everyday that I love so much and don't knoww what I would do without them.  Sometimes I feel like I should drop them off somewhere and walk away ( I could never do that) I am so tired of the fighting and yelling and arguing, on top of all that we are so broke and me and joe arent that great!  Whats happening to our life why is everything falling apart?  I know that I have responsibility in all this but sometimes I sit and think that if I wasnt here I wouldnt have to deal wiht things,  I could just go to sleep and never wake up again, my kids would be ok they would be cared for, joe would be ok he could move on.  I almost hate this life and this world, I dont want to be here anymore.  Why is that?  I have (for the most part) great kids, a hubby (who even though we have issues) loves me, so why do I not care anymore? Why do I want to just leave everything behind? Where is God in the middle of all this? Am I not praying or reading enough? Am I just not listening?  I called the doc to start taking my looney pills again, after all I think I need them! Genevieve is crying right now, why wont it stop, why do the kids feel like they need to cry and whine so much? I cant take it! I hate it, I want it to stop!!!! I want the world to stop needing me for things.  You know what else I noticed, my so called friends from the church, yeah they are your friends when you have something to offer or are doing good but when your really down or have nothing to give they stop talking to you! What's up with that?  I get tired of people asking hows things going and you mentiona few things and they never ask you again or even if they can help or if you need something.  Hypocrisy I cant stand it!  Bearing one anothers burdens is what we are supposed to do as christians, where is that happening because I sure dont see it!  Everyone is so selfish, people dont really care and if they do then they are to caught up in their own lives and selfs to help anyone or even get close enough to care!

Having A Bad Month!!!

I have been so stressed out, and I am doubtung God in everything.  We have been struggling so much and I feel like the world is coming down on me, I try to keep my head up and keep going but finding it hard to smile.  I am tired of cleaning, wiping butts, and tending to everything for everbody else.  I love Joe so much and I know I shouldnt be negative, but I need his help to keep the house going.  I feel like we (me and the kids) have to compete with this stupid comptuer and him.  He says he tries to help but he ever does is point and click!! My commitments are over for awhile now, I just completed the last of them.  I wonder about God and where he is in my life right now, I dont feel like he is there or even cares.  I know that he is in control, and everything is under control but we have gave so much of ourselves and everything that we have and here we are not only did we take a huge paycut now the VA money that makes my house payment is 500.00 less thats about 600-700 more a month that we need to come up with in order to make our payments, we cant even pay the bills we do have right now, I'm a month behind on car insurance, car payment, cc payment, and still owe 600 to heating fuel! The kicker of all of it is we can get help from the state because we make 3.00 more then we are allowed.  I havent done things for people ever expecting things back and yet I have people tell me that God will bless us for things we have done, my question is where is he now?  Here we are struggling so much and yet nothing.  I know it's in his time and I know he promises to take care of us and it might be different then my ideas but man, cant he help out now.  I'm so frusterated and I start school here in sep.  then I will go to work at night and try to help, but worried how that will be because I will have to work late or all night then get up and care for the kids, I cant pay for childcare, so then what???   I guess I just need everyone to pray, thats all we can do